Giants Walked the Earth

In my mind he is a giant. My only brother, Butch is the stuff legends are made of. Bigger than life is how I will remember him, always.

Being fifteen years my senior, Butch has been an adult all my life. My big brother is the epitome boy next door. If you stand too close to him you will smell the apple pie. Married his high school sweet heart and settled down on the family homestead. Played a little hockey, loves fast cars and hunting. Butch has always been big into physical fitness, and he takes great pride in the strength of his body. Understandable why all my girlfriends all had crushes on him. It's tragic that his body is now failing him.

Butch was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes when he was seventeen. A few years later, I was also. My sis, Flower Heidi, would follow us shortly after. Colorado Heidi is my only sibling fortunate enough to escape this disease. For which she has unwarranted guilt.

My brothers diagnoses occurred just as he was looking forward to his upcoming high school graduation. He had planned on enlisting in the service, as did many of his friends at that time. Butch was devastated that he would not be able to do his part in the Viet Nam war. I thanked God many times he had not gotten into the army. My soft hearted big bother wouldn't of had a chance in combat. I believe the appropriate term is fodder.

Growing up in a rural town of two hundred, we knew no one else with type 1 diabetics. Health care as minimal bordering on non existent. Our doctor also took calls concerning livestock. Living with this decease we knew more than any specialist we would later find on how to take care of ourselves. Butch was the most disciplined of all of us with his diet and exercise. Even his self care was something to look up to.

Three years ago, one Sunday morning, Butch stood up from the breakfast table to let his dogs out and passed out on the floor. He woke up from that stroke in the hospital after loosing his ability to speek and the use of his right side. He learned to walk with a cane and hunt with his left hand. He continued his daily two mile walks and work outs. Butch is entirely too young and strong to be handicapped.

Last winter he was out shovling snow when his blood sugar dipped low and he suffered a reaction and fell. Broke his hip badly, it was discovered when he finally allowed himself to be taken into the hospital the next day. Butch spent most of the rest of the winter in the hospital. I leave today, his birthday, to spend with him, after they remove part of his foot. His downwards spiral has began. Once complications set in, the future for a diabetic is bleak. It will be hard to see him sick and venerable in a hospital bed.

When asked why I went through what risks I took having an experimental procedure tried out on me, I answer as if I had no choice. It was not a matter of if I would develop complications but when. My husband did not want me to have it. My own physician would not sign my consent form stating I was a good candidate for the experiment. The doctor told me only a desperate person would sacrifice herself for this. It was not his choice. I found myself a new doctor that would. If my new cells failed tomorrow, and I become insulin dependent, at worst I have bought myself three years. If my brother could talk, I am sure he would be supportive. I wonder at this point what he would trade for three more good years.